Petty Arguments
by Jess2727
Summary: Ed is late with his report...again. When Roy starts yelling at Ed, their argument turns into a competition. Who can come up with the best insult? Warning: swearing


**...Yep.**

"Fullmetal!" Roy burst into the Ed's room. Causing Al to fall of the couch and Ed to wake up, bolting to a sitting position.

"What the hell!" Ed said hotly, folding his arms over his chest.

"What is it Colonel, is something wrong?" Al asked, politely, getting up and sitting on the couch.

"Where is your report?" Roy demanded, stalking over to Ed.

"Ah-" Ed groaned, "- I'll do it later." He laid back down, covering his face with his pillow.

Roy was fed up, he grabbed the pillow from Ed's face and threw it across the room.

"Hey!?" Ed yelled, sitting up again.

"'Do it later' You've been putting this report off for weeks Fullmetal! I want that report now!" Roy explained, standing his ground.

"Fine! I'll do it once I get some sleep." Ed said, starting a staring contest with Roy.

After about a minute and a half, Roy cracked. "God dammit, Fullmetal!"

"Haha!" Ed laughed, laying back down, now covering his eyes with his arms since his pillow was flung across the room.

"Why do you have to be such an immature child?" Roy muttered, folding his arms.

Ed sat up yet again, glaring at Roy, "What did you say...Bastard?"

"I said, 'You were short." Roy explained, which in turn caused Ed to swing his metal arm at him. Thankfully for Roy, Ed missed when the Colonel ducked. Ed flipped, landing on his feet.

"Don't call me short!" Ed screamed at Roy.

"Fullmetal Pipsqueak," Roy taunted.

"Self-righteous bastard!" Ed yelled.

Thus, the name-calling began.

"You're so dumb I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you." Roy said.

"I am not dumb, you're dumb." Ed countered.

"You're so dumb you got hit by a parked car." Roy said.

"You know what? Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!" Ed countered, smirking.

"I get all emotional when you're not around, Fullmetal." Roy started.

"Wait- what?!" Ed said, caught off guard, nearly falling over.

"-That emotion is called happiness!" Roy finished.

"Haha, you got me. Colonel, you're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately." Ed said smirking from ear to ear.

"Man, I bet you were up all night working on that." Roy started, "Just keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent."

"You remind me of the ocean. You make me sick!" Ed said, folding his arms.

"Fullmetal, everyone has the right to be stupid. You're abusing that privilege!" Roy said, fixing his glove just in case Ed tried to jump on him.

"I have a great idea! Have a nice, big, steaming cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ed said, lunging at Roy. Swinging his metal fist at Roy's face.

Seeing them fight, Al ran out of the room, attempting to find help. Inside Ed and Al's room, Roy and Ed were still fighting.

"Why-" Roy said between dodges, "don't you come up with a better insult? Why use something like sarcasm?"

"I-" Ed said between punches, "hide behind sarcasm because it's socially unacceptable to tell you to shut the fuck up, oh wait I don't care about that stuff!"

Roy sighed, elbowing Ed in the ribs, "Fullmetal, there are several people in this world I find obnoxious, you are all of them."

Ed dropped the ground, touching the spot Roy elbowed him, "Roy, you remind me of an unflushed toilet, so full of shit."

Al came back Riza Hawkeye, gun in hand. Seeing the gun, Ed and Roy panicked.

"He did it!" They said at the same time, pointing at one another.

Riza sighed, "Colonel, how many times do I have to tell you? Act your age. Not your IQ."

"Hey!" Roy said, resenting the comment as Ed rolled on the ground laughing.

**I got most of these insult from funny - insults . com **

**And I hope you guys enjoyed, tell me how you liked (or didn't like) it in the comments!**

**Roy: Hey, this fight isn't over yet!**

**Me: Yes it is.**

**Ed: Bring it, bastard!**

**Roy: Your mom is so-**

**Ed: My mom is dead.**

**Roy: ... **

**Me: Awkward...**

**WHO DID YOU GUYS THINK ONE THE INSULT BATTLE?**

**PETTY ARGUMENTS II coming soon...**


End file.
